And guess what awaited us there?  The coldest summer on record in San Diego in 99 years…. NINETY-NINE YEARS! Are you kidding me?? It was a lot of long-sleeved shirts and not enough sun… but we did relax.

It didn’t affect the kids, of course… they had a blast. I think it’s so funny how kids get all uppity about taking baths, or getting shots, or getting their picture taken (yeah, that one hurts), or being in the car too long… yet they are perfectly fine going in the ocean when the water temperature is BELOW 60 DEGREES!! It made me realize that I’ve been way to soft on these kids… they are WAY tougher than I originally thought. It might be time for them to get a job. I might just start with making them empty the dishwasher and fold socks. Maybe.

My mom has advanced-stage Alzheimer’s. She got the diagnosis two years ago, but we knew for a while that something was wrong. For whatever reason, she has declined rapidly since then. She has basically progressed through all the stages of the disease in two short years. For some people it can take twenty.

And since that diagnosis, I have been slowly grieving the loss of her. I have been mourning the loss of the mom I used to have. The one that used to call me all the time, the one that would tell me I needed to wear more jewelry, the one that would play with my girls for hours and have them giggling non-stop. I have been grieving all the things that used to drive me crazy. I am grieving the imperfect person who was so important to me. I am grieving the loss of the knowledge that my mom would just always be there for me, no matter what it was that I wanted to tell her.

She can no longer talk on the phone. She can’t walk very well. She can’t interact much. She is existing right now. And it breaks my heart more than it can bear.

I took my two girls to Michigan last week to visit her. My kids are still young enough to not completely get the illness… their biggest question was, “Will Nunna remember us?” Thankfully, we had days with her where she did seem to recognize them. Even if she didn’t completely know who they were, she perked up and would smile at them. Kendall would bring in her “squishy guys” to show her (her beloved little figurines she got out of a vending machine at Bob’s Big Boy ) and my mom would smile. Sometimes she would even say, “Oh, those are nice.”.

My mom had this amazing connection to my girls. It was a crazy connection. Especially to Kendall. Kendall looks like me, acts like me, can be a pain like me… and I think my mom just ate it up. No matter where we went, Kendall was holding my mom’s hand. And when my mom would stay with us, Kendall would wake up early, bring 50 stuffed animals into her room, wake her up and put on a show. I would tell Kendall to let her sleep in, but my mom loved it. She would whisper in Kendall’s ear that she could come in no matter what time it was.

She is now in an Alzheimer’s home. It’s nice. When I was there, my brother and I went to a Bed Bath & Beyond and bought her a new comforter, decorations and picture frames to decorate her room. She seemed to like it. The kids had fun making it just perfect for her. It at least felt like we were doing something in a situation where you really can do nothing.

We got the news on my last day there that my mom has a short amount of time left. I made the decision not to tell this to my kids. It will be hard enough for them when she passes away, I don’t want them to be grieving the loss of her for the next few months while we wait… like I am.

I’m really sad. So sad. At times I’m angry. At times I grab my girls and hug them until they say, “Mom, you can let go now!”. There are days when I don’t want to get out of bed. And there are days when I want to stay as busy as possible so I don’t have to think about losing her for good.

It’s interesting… people asked me if I took any pictures of her when I was there. I did take a few on my iPhone. But I didn’t want to. I don’t want to remember her like this. At the end. It’s not her. The real her left a long time ago.

I have to find a way to grieve. I’m not sure how to do that exactly. I also know that I need to do things that make me happy. I realized today that I haven’t taken my camera out in weeks. I think it’s time. I think that documenting my life with my photography is a way to honor her life. At least I hope it is.

I know everyone always says that life is precious. That you should tell the people in your life how you feel about them before it’s too late. And they’re right. Do it. Life is so short. I’m still too young to be without my mom. So if you’re one of those people out there lucky enough to still have your mom (or dad) in your life, tell them how you feel. Today. Right now. Don’t wait.

http://www.momtog.com/2010/07/guest-blog-the-40ish-momtog/

Most of the contests I’ve ever entered are those that I forgot about the minute I sent the entry. So imagine my complete surprise when I get an email notification that I WON a workshop with Jessica Claire in New York! Yes, THAT Jessica Claire… the one who lives in Orange County. Which is where I live. So, why would I travel to New York to see her? Exactly the question my husband, a.k.a. the money man, wanted to know. All I know was the minute I heard that I won, I KNEW I was going.

So, in order to make the trip feel more manageable, my husband and I decided to make it a couples weekend and wrap it around the workshop. Which was a great idea, except for the fact that my husband got sick with what could only be described as a less creepy version of the bubonic plague. So seeing that he was all phlemy, coughy, achey, etc, etc, he made the game-time decision not to go. Bummer for our couples weekend away.

In my former life, I was one of those advertising executives… like Mad Men without all the smoking and sexual harassment. And I spent some time working in New York – the mecca of the advertising world. It was a blast to say the least. And I got to know Manhattan pretty well, so I wasn’t too worried about finding my way around by myself for the weekend. And to be honest, the prospect of being ALONE ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY CHILDREN almost made me giddy. I had visions of me shopping in SOHO, eating in bistros in the Village while reading a book, sitting in the park people watching… all while feeling glamorously alone.

The reality of my trip? 99 degrees and 100% humidity. Shopping that consisted of me bargaining with some illegal street vendors for my fake Prada bag and knock-off Channel’s. A night of food poisoning from the quaint little Italian restaurant where I grabbed dinner. I DID sit in a park, but I only lasted 15 minutes in the sweltering heat. Not so glamorous, my friend.

But I DID make it to my workshop! And I have to say it really was fantastic. Jessica Claire is an incredibly talented photographer… she is one of those people that just has THE EYE, if you know what I mean. Her style, while being incredibly powerful is also incredibly “simple”. She knows what she wants to photograph, and she gets it dead-on in the camera, so her editing is minimal. I am really grateful for the experience and all that I learned. I met some great photographers from other parts of the country (I wasn’t the only one who traveled, but I did apparently travel the farthest!).

So, I am on to the next contest…. this time I’m hoping to win a 1d Mark IV. God willing I won’t have to travel to get it.

(… here are a few of the images I shot from the workshop… )

It was a pleasure Renner Family! Here are a few of the shots and your slideshow!

I usually believe that until I actually spend time with youngsters who are at that prime high school age… then I realize how truly old I really am (dammit).

And are all high school girls this cool? They are all so cute, and hip, and sweet, and cute, and smart, and cute… they are just really awesome. And that is certainly the case for Liza. She is one of those girls that is all of those adjectives and more. She is already moving ahead with her college plans and seems so sure of herself. She was SO fun to take pictures of — so enthusiastic and really seemed to enjoy herself. It didn’t hurt that she brought along her best friend, Claire. You might remember Claire from a previous shoot a few months back. She, too, is nothing short of terrific. And all I had to do was to tell Liza to look at Claire and they would both start laughing hysterically… talk about EASY!

It was a pleasure, Liza! Here’s your slideshow and a sampling of some of your pics!

One great parent-led program at our school is our community garden. The kids can go and work in the garden during their lunch time every-other Friday and learn about the earth and growing things of beauty with their own hands.

For Earth Day, our community garden hosted a planting day in honor of the Second Harvest Food Bank of Orange County. Each classroom came to plant one flat of squash… each student – dressed all in green — got to take a handful of dirt and plant their own little pink squash seed. And after the class planted their seeds, they took their flats back to the classroom where they will take turns caring for the seedlings — watering them and making sure they get sunlight everyday. When the seedlings are grown, they will be given to Second Harvest where they will help to feed the hungry in Orange County.

I was honored to be asked to be the photographer for this event. And over the course of the day I witnessed the kids having fun, eating samples of squash (kids eating vegetables!), and learning about how they can not only care for the Earth, but how they can use it and their talents to do something for people in their community who go hungry everyday.

Yesterday, I was walking outside the classrooms and saw that the students had put their flats of squash out to get sunlight in the afternoon. I was amazed at how big the squash had gotten in only two weeks! (see last photo).

It has inspired me to try (once again) to plant my own garden in my backyard. If nothing else, it will show my kids the joy of getting their hands dirty and the satisfaction of knowing that with hard work and patience, they can do something good for this beautiful Earth of ours.

We took a road trip this past Spring Break up to a BEAUTIFUL city called Ione, California. And as my husband and I took turns driving on the 8 hour trip, I would occasionally look back at my kids riding in a luxurious, safe minivan, securely fastened in their booster seats, watching DVDs, playing videogames, making crafts and coloring with their 568 crayon colors on their deluxe, lap desks with organization pockets to hold all of their supplies.

My road trips as a kid consisted of riding in a wood-paneled station wagon with bad suspension, all the windows down, two parents, four kids, and one 100 pound dog riding with no seat belts, pulling a huge camper behind us. You couldn’t hear anything over the wind, you couldn’t read or draw due to the wind and the bouncing around. I can’t even remember exactly WHAT I did on those trips to be honest. It must be my subconscious saving me from painful memories. To this day, my husband can’t figure out why I get so carsick all the time. I tell him that if he rode in the back of a station wagon, backwards, in a suicide seat with no seat belts for most of his childhood, he’d be carsick, too.

We met my brother Mark, sis-in-law Rita and my awesome niece, Camille, up at a cabin they rented for the week. We had such a fantastic time. And I will say that when photographers talk about THAT light, that buttery, gorgeous, warm sunlight that is perfect for taking pictures, we are talking about THIS place. The grounds consisted of acres and acres of beautiful land with swaying, lush, green grasses, purple flowers, an old barn and a fabulous cabin. We spent hours outside, lying in a hammock, swinging on a porch swing, playing badmitten and horseshoes, and just exploring. My girls walked to a neighboring farm with their Uncle Mark to pet baby pigs and a horse named Okie… and the owner of the farm gave them a dozen eggs just because. We drove through little towns, went to an old gold mine and panned for jewels, and ate ice cream at an authentic old-town shop.

It made me realize how sad it is that in Orange County there just isn’t that much space around you. Sure, we have a park across the street, but it’s different than just walking off your porch and being in nature. It was a special place and a special time with family. I know my kids will remember this trip for years to come.

I, of course, brought my camera and got some great shots of the beauty of the location. And I wanted to get some shots of my beautiful niece, as well. She is a bright, witty, phenomenal girl with a fantastic personality and a huge heart. I wanted to capture her spirit…. not an easy task, but I think I caught a glimpse.

Ione will go down for me as one of the most beautiful places I’ve visited. I can’t wait to go back someday…

This was the view when lying in the hammock!

The grounds were filled with these beautiful purple flowers.

It had so much character....

My niece and sister-in-law enjoying the afternoon...

My beautiful niece, Camille

My girls LOVE their cousin!

I have known Claire since she was about 2 years old, which of course makes me feel older than dirt (I mean, am I really THAT old?). And these girls are truly beautiful, inside and out. And growing up in the 80′s I must confess that I was NEVER as cool as they are (my Janet Jackson hair and Bon Jovi denim just doesn’t seem at all hip now dammit).

Here are a few of your shots, ladies. It was a pleasure!